These are notes I kept for Dan for when he woke up........but he didn't..
Monday 24th February 2003 /8.30pm Got telephone call from your dad to say you were on your way by ambulance to hospital because you had been attacked by hammer on your head. Got down the hospital, your head was badly swollen on the side (left ) and it was bleeding. You were awake and a bit shocked, we talked and you asked me to clean the blood off your face and you told me to get you a drink of water, Gradually your condition deteriated and you were talking rubbish and things didn't make sense, you couldn't even explain where you were " In a hospital ". You knew but the words but they just wouldn't come out. Eventually you didn't recognise Richard "My Partner " funny thou you said " I don't know you, but I love you man "or the friend who was with you either.You knew he was older and drove but couldn't remember his name. His name was Blake. Blake was around the corner in another room, he had been hurt also, but not as bad as you. You took a turn for the worse and started having a fit and was a mess, so they ended up sedating you and putting you on a ventilator and referred you to Queens sq in London, a specialist hospital based on Neuroligical Surgery. However it took a while to sort this out. 2 am Tues 25th Feb 2003. They transferred you from Watford General to Queens sq in Central London. They had informed us you were very very ill and also that you could die, just like that.!!!!! We are all devestated,Myself, Rich, Your dad ,uncle terry are all with you by now. 4 am Auntie Julie, nan and grandad are all here as well.They heavily sedated you and put a bolt in your head to monitor the pressure of your brain. You have had two cat scans already.They have stabilised you and you are under 24 hr care in a high dependency unit, no-one leaves you alone for more than a minute.You have tubes everywhere at least four in your mouth, checking the fluid on your chest, your heart, your blood pressure, everywhere it is like something from ER Except it is worse because it isn't ER it is you sweetheart and it is breaking my heart to see you in such a state.We are told to go and get some rest we leave at 6 am for an hour or so. We all come back again well ,me and Rich and your dad and Vicky & Terry. I am writing this for you because you won't believe me you were so ill and will know nothing about it as you probs won't remember and I feel when you look back you will realise just how ill you were! We have police around us waiting for news on your condition.They have been very loyal, waiting with us. The hours are going past slowly, it feels like months instead of hours, watching and waiting hour by hour,no change ,they try and change your sedation and want to try and wake you, but the pressure on your brain is just too high and would be dangerous to do this the way you are, so they delay this for another 24 hrs. Another day,praying and willing you on to be well again.We go home about 10pm. Wednesday 26th Feb 2003. Rich,your dad and uncle Terry who has been great for your dad and myself are here at 9am ,all hoping for you to be awake but you had an unsettled night and your pressure on your brain was what they call "Spiking" and they felt in your best interest to keep you asleep and heavily sedated,also they have given you a drug which totally paralises your body so no added stress to your head injury. Your brain is swollen, so they decide to leave you for another 24hrs. You have had loads of visitors, Scott,Chelcie,Blake,Steve, Kerry ,Aunt Julie,Grandad and Kath,Danny,Donavan,Grant. Thursday 27th Feb 2003 We all turn up ,eagerly waiting for them to wake you,but not today.You had another bad night , Dan you look so poorly but still look so handsome, all the nurses have been saying about your lovely long dark eyelashes,and I say how attractive you look in your hospital stockings,you would go mad if you knew ha ha !!! Your eyebrow has grown back. The three blokes who done this to you have been arrested, they are two 18 year olds and a 19 year old. A girl called Sharon Plant gave the police their names as she was in their car and knew them all. She gave their names and addresses etc. CID areinvolved now as it was such a horrific attack! My phone hasn't stopped ringing,so many phonecalls wishing you well and texts ,must have recieved a hundred texts. Your brother Scott has been a contact for alot of kids who know you.Everybody cares and are devestated by what has happened to you.Cards are arriving daily .The police are doing an appeal on TV and asking for witnesses, house to house inquiries where it happened. Today we felt good for you,as they have stopped the paralysis drug and you seem to be a little more stable.This is so much to take in for us all,this happens to other people not us.Jan,Colin,Matt,Chris,Hollie,Gary,Misty,Ed.Jermaine,so so amny names can't write them all down, you will see when you read it all.I have wrote it all down for you to read it at your leisure,because you have lost 3 days and 4 nights of your life so far and I want you to know what happened to you, my darling Daniel.We love and want you back so much. In two days time you were supposed to be going clubbing with your dad,I think he will have to take a rain check on that one for now until you are better. Crying ,Laughing at all the funny thing's you have done and said. All we want is for you to be well. Today your Nan,dad,Rich and me,Terry and Alex,Yvette and Estelle have been to see you.We have asked your friends to leave it for a while. We leave you tonight quite happy that you seem to be coming on better,so tomorrow we hope becomes the day when we get you a step further on your road to recovery. We love you so,so much and want you back with us. Nobody else matters right now,you are my everything. We leave you at 10pm and I wish you a stable night and tomorrow is a better day for you sweetheart. Goodnight my darling boy. Love mum xxxxxxxxxx Friday 28th feb 2003 Got to hospital about 10am.Your dad got their earlier, not much change, you had an unsettled night again,the pressure was high in your brain, as the morning went on your temperature got higher and higher, so they put you on a cooling blanket which you were on most of the day. Your temperature didn't go down for ages,but they said you have developed an infection, that is why they are having problems getting your blood pressure up. Kelli and Sarah are here today, Dee and Blake were here this evening to see you. You have sceptacemia, Blood poisioning, your very ill baby and we are worried sick.I am scared now,so scared. You have been paralised again by the drugs and are heavily sedated, we left at 7.30pm tonight, felt a bit happy your temp had gone down and your ICP level had stabalised but you were still on the cooling blanket. They kept saying you were very sick today and your condition was life threatening. I am writing this at 11.30 pm. I have been ringing every hour to see how you are, they have just informed me they have put another line in to try and get you to respond to treatment.They keep trying different ways to make you stable and help you to recover.I have never felt so scared in my whole life.You got loads of more cards today dan,loads of people wishing you well.Gonna try and get a bit of rest and pray to god that you are comfortable and wish to god you just get better. I need you to be well,you need to get better,Its Taylas 2nd birthday in a week,she wants you to help cut her cake,because she isn't just your baby sister,she is your God-daughter and your meant to be here to take care of her too. We all love you so much Goodnight my darling,see you in a few hours.xxxx Saturday 1st March 2003 Got telephone call at 2.30am to say your condition was deteriating and it was best we came to see you. I rang your dad,and myself and Rich are on our way.I went through every single red light from Watford to London ,I had to drive myself as I was getting hysterical and needed to concentrate so I drove. We arrived, your dad and Vicky and Uncle Terry and you looked so poorly, your heart beat was weak, your blood pressure was weakening,you had so many bloody things against you,your liver was failing and you had blood poisioning,we were told to prepare ourseves ,as there was nothing more they could do for you,my poor darling boy. You held on for nearly 5 days after suffering a terrible attack to your head, you lost your fight to live and sadly we lost you at 6.10am. We were all there by your side.I was holding you so tight and listening to your heart beat, getting weaker and weaker ,I didn't know you had gone until I looked up and saw the blank monitor as the ventilator was still going,I was holding you and cuddling you as you went to sleep for ever. I miss you so much sweetheart,so ,so deeply. Rest in Peace .I wrote this for you as I wanted you to know what was going on when you woke up, but you never did
I love and miss you so much and wish it was possible to have you back xxxxxxxxx
In my dreams, you are alive and well Precious child, precious child In my mind, I see you clear as a bell Precious child, precious child In my soul, there is a hole That can never be filled But in my heart, there is hope 'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live on Always there never gone Precious child, you left too soon Tho' it may be true that we're apart You will live forever... in my heart
In my plans, I was the first to leave Precious child, precious child But in this world, I was left here to grieve Precious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a hole That can never be filled But in my heart there is hope And you are with me still
In my heart you live on Always there, never gone Precious child, you left too soon, Tho' it may be true that we're apart You will live forever... in my heart
God knows I want to hold you, See you, touch you And maybe there's a heaven And someday I will again Please know you are not forgotten until then
In my heart you live on Always there never gone Precious child, you left too soon Tho' it may be true that we're apart You will live forever... in my heart
Thinking of you on your 25th birthday xxxxxxxxx / Annie Rush (Mum)Read >>
Thinking of you on your 25th birthday xxxxxxxxx / Annie Rush (Mum) Close
Thinking of you on your 25th birthday Dan,xxxxx / Annie Rush (Mum)Read >>
Thinking of you on your 25th birthday Dan,xxxxx / Annie Rush (Mum)
IClose
Sorry I couldnt be there. / Shehnaz Rafiq (close friend of family )
Daniel, I dont know if I can find the words, please forgive me. I wish I could of been there for you as you became a young man, your loss was such a shock and I couldnt face your funeral and family, it was cowardly of me. I will always remember the good times I had with your brother scott, you and chelcie, it was fun babysitting you and your brother and sister, as I remember you were always the cheeky one! The trip to thorpe park with your mum, dad, brother, sister myself and barry will always be remembered by me, they were fun times! You kids were a joy to be around, your mum raised you well. I have named my son Daniel, he is now 5, he is daniel in your honour, I wish he could of met you.
I saw you briefly on the meriden estate shortly before you passed, I felt a certain sadness then, didnt know why. Little did I know I wouldnt see your cheeky smile again. You were a credit to your family and it so angers me that you have been taken away from them, you had your life ahead of you, as I write this my tears are real but I dont want to be sad as you are in a better place but will always be missed and loved by myself and all that knew you.
Missing you sweetheart xxxx / Annie Rush (mum)
How can I put your dying into words? Are there words powerful enough To describe the death of you, And this lost, pain-filled me?
Where do all these tears come from? Endlessly, they flow from my hurting eyes. I wish they could drown out the awfulness Of being in a life I don't recognize anymore
Who am I now, without you? I feel I've lost myself in a fog. A mother without her child - That's not supposed to be.
What will happen to me now? A mother can't stop being a mother. I know I shall go on loving you, Your life has not ended for me. Close
Missing you Dan xxxxx / Annie Rush (mum)
Just Look for Me Author unknown
Mother, please don't mourn for me; I'm still here, though you don't see. I'm right by your side each night and day and within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone but I'm always near I'm everything you feel, see or hear. My spirit is free, but I'll never depart as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I'll never wander out of your sight -- I'm the brightest star on a summer night. I'll never be beyond your reach -- I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.
I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around and the pure white snow that blankets the ground. I'm the beautiful flowers of which you?re so fond -- The clear cool water in a quiet pond.
I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring; The first warm raindrop that April will bring. I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine, and you'll see that the face of the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there's no one to love you, you can talk to me through the Lord above you. I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees, and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep. I'm the smile you see on a baby's face. Just look for me, Mum, I'm every place!
Thinking of Daniel ... / Katie Boughen (School Friend )Read >>
Thinking of Daniel ... / Katie Boughen (School Friend )
The website is beautiful Annie. You were all in my thoughts yesterday on Daniel's birthday and will continue to be, always. Daniel won't be forgotten because he lives in all our memories xx
Happy Birthday, Daniel / Beverly Ribaudo (Connected By Murder )
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I read your journal for Daniel. It would have been so nice if Daniel would have woke to read his Mother's words. This is a special gift for your son. A mother should never have to go through this.
Happy Birthday / Brenda Wendy Forever 21 (MOMS)Read >>
Happy Birthday / Brenda Wendy Forever 21 (MOMS)
Daniel,
Just stopped in to wish you a Happy Birthday in Heaven. I know it is an awesome birthday, listening to the Angel's singing to you, and Jesus by your side.
Tributes and Condolences
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